I went to see a psychiatrist today. It was the third time I’ve seen one. I don’t think I’ll be going back.
I asked my GP to refer me for help with my mental health because I have depression that has not responded to anti-depressants. It includes frequent negative thoughts that keep me stuck in a loop for hours and fairly serious thoughts of suicide. I want help to stop getting caught up in these negative thought spirals and regain some control over my mind.
Unfortunately, the doctor that is now in charge of my mental health seems to think that trying to fix my chronic fatigue is more important than stopping me planning my own death. I have M.E. but he always refers to chronic fatigue which is a symptom of M.E. The first time I saw this doctor he focussed entirely on chronic fatigue. He told me that I shouldn’t be taking pregabalin (Lyrica) as “that is for neuropathic pain not chronic fatigue.” He seemed to ignore the fact that I was taking pregabalin because I am suffering from neuropathic pain. He proposed that I take amitriptyline instead as that is normally given for chronic fatigue syndrome. I actually interrupted him to inform him that I had M.E. which is a physical neurological condition of which chronic fatigue is a symptom but he simply acknowledged this and then carried on. I grudgingly decided to try the amitriptyline since it IS normally the first drug given to patients with M.E. – it helps with muscle pain and headaches and better sleep, but it is an anti-depressant and so I thought it might be worth trying again. If it shut the doctor up and it helps me sort the depression too then it might be worth it.
My visit to this doctor today was completely useless. He started by recalling that we “discussed” my chronic fatigue and that he gave me amitriptyline. I informed him that apart from making me sleep all day, every day, and having more suicidal thoughts, it had done nothing at all for me. He then went in to a long winded speech about how pacing works and is good for chronic fatigue. I pointed out that I had been to lots of sessions at an M.E. clinic a few years ago to learn about pacing, that I had had M.E. for eleven years and managed to pace as best I could as the illness got better or worse, and that I knew pacing well enough to write about it for other people. I said “I’ve had M.E. for eleven years and know how to manage it, but I really need to know how to stop the loops of negative thought and the suicidal thoughts.”
I don’t think I could have been clearer, but he carried on, talked about disuse syndrome and said I need to exercise otherwise I will get fatigue caused by doing too little. I told him that my pacing routine includes as much exercise as I can do at any given time. Not to be outdone, he then talked about free radicals, told me to take anti-oxidants and vitamins, and finally blamed my fatigue on my diabetes, which seems to be the only other thing apart from depression that he doesn’t think is his job to treat.
So I’ve been referred for help with mental health, and instead have been told not to take drugs that save me from searing pain, given a drug that put me to sleep all the time, and had the psychiatrist try to treat my M.E. while consistently referring to it as Chronic Fatigue. What I haven’t had is any advice on preventing or getting out of negative thoughts, or stopping me thinking about suicide. It isn’t even relevant whether my M.E. is physical or mental in nature; I desperately need help to regain control of my mind before I hurt myself, and all this doctor cares about is my fatigue.