Despair

Don’t read this if you want any hope. I haven’t got any.

Today has seen two articles that have all but destroyed my fight. First, in the Sun –

‘Pretend disabled’ really ARE sick

MY New Year’s resolution for 2012 was to become disabled.

Nothing too serious, maybe just a bit of a bad back or one of those newly invented illnesses which make you a bit peaky for decades — fibromyalgia, or M.E.

The article starts by claiming the the illness which has crippled me and destroyed my life is “one of those newly invented illness which make you a bit peaky for decades”. A bit peaky. Try unable to get out of bed for months at a time, screaming in pain, aching, burning pain, curled up in a ball sobbing from the agony and wishing for death. Hardly leaving the house except to visit the doctor to try another dead end drug because nothing helps really but you have to try. Using a wheelchair when you do go out because you can’t walk. A bit peaky. Right.

Then it claims that you can make lots of money from being ill, that you can park anywhere, that claiming benefits has become easier, and that 80% of people claiming sickness benefits are fit to work. All the usual stuff wheeled out to attack sick and disabled people, with the usual caveat that he doesn’t mean the genuine ones, while asserting that most aren’t genuine.

That was all soul-destroying enough but then a few hours later the Telegraph joined in, ostensibly in response to the complaints about the article in the Sun, but going on to make a far worse attack.

The fake disabled are crippling our economy

There really are far, far too many people sponging off the taxpayer right now with their fake or exaggerated disabilities and they’re one of the reasons we’re in the financial mess we’re in.

And there you have it. Not only am I either faking to get money or just a bit peaky, but I’m also responsible for the financial mess.

So I’ve run out of hope. I can’t take these attacks anymore. These are viscious, uncaring, downright evil attacks on my friends and I and I don’t want to deal with them or their fallout any more. I know this is my depression, but tears and sobbing and despair are the same anyway. I’ve come very close to ending it all in the last hour. Add in the Welfare Reform Bill being rushed through the third reading and the house of commons again next week and I don’t see what is left to hope for.

— EDIT —

Thanks to some very lovely friends and the power of Skype I am not suicidal at this point and have even managed a couple of smiles. Until next time.

Author: Latentexistence

The world is broken and I can't fix it because I am broken. I can, however, rant about it all and this is where I do that when I can get my thoughts together. Most of the time you'll find my words on Twitter rather than here though. I sometimes write for Where's The Benefit too.

8 thoughts on “Despair”

  1. There is always hope. Always, always hope.

    I don’t really know what else to say other than: Honestly, I have been here (v recently) and it gets better. It’s really difficult to deal with, but things will get better. I do think there is scope for recovery from both mental and physical illness (ME) but it takes time and a lot of patience, on everyone’s behalf. There are people who care about you a lot, and strangers who have the compassion of angels. I know this from my own experience, and people on Twitter have sometimes helped me in my darkest hour.

    Some silliness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o

    *Massive hugs* xxx

  2. I’ve run out of fight too. It seems the only way people every become convinced that M.E. is real & genuinely as disabling as we say is when they get it themselves. Even my fantastic carer didn’t believe until he saw me coping with the everyday fallout.

    I had 4 impacted and abcessed wisdom teeth. My dentist asked how I’d tolerated the pain. When I said that it was no worse than my usual neck & head pain from M.E. she looked at me in disbelief. Even nurses at hospital pre-operations didn’t understand the pain levels.

    It seems as though we’re further than ever from getting support and recognition for this horrible disease.

  3. A plea not to give up hope.Easy for me to say as a healthy(thus far)non-disabled person.Turn their arguments on their head.What do they contribute but hate-filled ignorant bile,extracting monies for spewing prejudiced nonsense designed to stir unthinking knuckledraggers,ever more repugnant as they justify by claiming it is in defence “for the genuine” they regurgitate the well known lies,distortions and in a language that is repellent to all decent people.Prostituting themselves for monetary gain.Please do not give up hope.

  4. Hi, I was feeling the same way yesterday after those articles about the psychosocial model of disability. I feel worthless and waste of air to society, friends and even family. People don’t believe youre ill and the hatred and abuse just gets worse. I got abuse in Aldi tonight (first trip out in over a week) – we were in the queue, me in wheelchair, I needed morphine so my BF was getting me a dose and the queue moved forwards. Some random woman zooms her trolley right in the gap! I said excuse me we were here waiting in the queue. She snapped horribly at me and said some nasty stuff (can’t rememer). Then later when my BF moved to pay, she drove her trolley deliberately into the back of my wheelchair.
    Whatever next?!

  5. I got quite ill this week too because of the legislation and the media coverage. 🙁 Glad your friends came to the rescue 🙂

  6. No matter how painful it is too fight the media if we don’t do it who will? My heart sinks for the next person who will get attacked.

  7. I think we’re all actually very frightened indeed about the opinions going around about people with disabilities of all kinds, and the judgements that Atos make, and how the government is blaming us for the state the country is in. I’ve been damn close to the edge too. But please don’t give up. Not yet. We all need each other now. And you sound like a lovely guy.

  8. Thankfully missed those articles as depressed enough as it is!! I’m also a fibro/ME sufferer along with depression, IBS, asthma, and a tilted pelvis following issues during pregnancy 5 years ago. I’d had symptoms getting gradually worse for 10 years before I finally got diagnosed. Now I’m 32 years old unable to work, barely able to walk, can spend days at a time unable to get out of bed, need help with looking after myself and am certainly not the mum I wanted to be! I’m on higher rate mobility dla and lower rate care at the moment but due to expire in October. I’ve deteriorated since then so thought I’d move up in the care bracket but with all these changes think I’ll be lucky to stay as I am.
    Just had my ESA renewal and been placed in the work related group which is an absolute joke! Appealing it with support of local mental health charity. I’m lucky to be getting that support as our citizens advice bureau doesn’t offer support for appeals. The stress of all this has caused a massive flare up of symptoms and the pain is really getting me down. On top of the pain there’s the incontinence episodes when a nerve gets trapped in my lower back/pelvis, the IBS attacks and the depression so bad suicidal thoughts have returned. My husband is now having to ring me every hour to check I’m ok.
    I need a wheelchair but can’t get nhs funding for one and with our debts from education and medical expenses can’t afford to buy one as the dla payments are necessary at the moment to keep us afloat.
    I hate these stupid reforms! They are messing with our lives like we don’t matter! Leigh x

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