Things that illness has stolen from me

I can’t:

  • Walk more than a few steps
  • Ride my motorbike
  • Go out to work
  • Concentrate long enough to write
  • Concentrate to read a book
  • Sit for too long
  • Stay awake very long
  • Be happy
  • Eat sweets or crisps without anything nice without going blind and having a stroke
  • Have a day without pain

Fuck life. I want out.

 

Author: Latentexistence

The world is broken and I can't fix it because I am broken. I can, however, rant about it all and this is where I do that when I can get my thoughts together. Most of the time you'll find my words on Twitter rather than here though. I sometimes write for Where's The Benefit too.

2 thoughts on “Things that illness has stolen from me”

  1. Things illness has stolen from me:
    I can’t:
    Walk
    Dance
    Go to work
    concentrate long enought to write
    hold a pen
    get dressed by myself on the lower half of me
    concentrate long enough to read a book
    concentrate long enough to watch the t.v.
    can’t have sex
    sit for too long
    stand for too long
    lie down for too long
    sleep properly
    not be exhausted all of the time
    stay awake for very long
    brush my hair properly
    brush my teeth properly
    eat with a knife and fork
    carry anything heavier than my mobile phone
    stop worrying that I’ll die from the side effects of at least 2 of my medications
    see properly
    go to the beach and feel the sand betwen my toes
    have another child
    cook
    sew or knit
    swim
    stop people from saying I’m too young to have arthritis all over my body
    fasten up buttons on my clothes
    tie laces up on shoes
    put my hair in a pony tail
    put make up on
    go to the toilet properly
    have a relaxing bath….I can’t get into one now
    go too far away from home incase something happens to make my health worse
    stop my brain from being damaged by swelling when my spine swells up leaving me in fear of a stroke or severe brain damage
    have a moment without pain, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day
    my hair falling out because of medication side effects
    my face swelling up so I look like a monster
    my body swelling up so I look like a fat monster
    my actual eyeballs swelling up so I look like an evil vampire
    my eyelids swelling up so much I can’t see then looking like I’ve got 2 black eyes and been in a fight
    being depressed and crying when I ‘m bed bound

  2. I stumbled across your blog and I am in shock now. You could be me! I have several physical issues and a deep depression which nothing seems to touch. I lost my job, my home, my independence about 3 years ago. Due to my illness I can also no longer ride a bike and as I never learned to drive a car I am screwed. I am having to fight and claw to get help for my mental health. My MH team seemed to think that putting me on the strongest dose of mirtazapine available, sending me on a pain management course and to a well being group drop in centre will be all fine and dandy.
    I am also diabetic and have developed multiple neuropathy. That combined with osteoarthritis has left me needing a wheelchair. The reality is the one they gave me is just too bloody heavy to use on my own arghhhh

Comments are closed.