Trapped

So many thoughts
So much I want to do

Fight the government
Save welfare and the NHS
Protect privacy and the right to protest
Write blogs about it all
Send a wake up call

I want to leave this bed
Travel to meet friends I’ve made online
Ride my motorbike again
Whizz through the countryside

I want to learn new technology
Go back to work
Make old computers work again
Be master of a server room once more

I want…
But no.
I lie here in bed
Pain
Exhaustion
A shower and some fresh clothes
All I can hope for today
Scream at the world
Silently
Through my smartphone

I am trapped
I am trapped

Author: Latentexistence

The world is broken and I can't fix it because I am broken. I can, however, rant about it all and this is where I do that when I can get my thoughts together. Most of the time you'll find my words on Twitter rather than here though. I sometimes write for Where's The Benefit too.

3 thoughts on “Trapped”

  1. Much empathy. I’ve made it as far as my recliner, but that’s it. Shower a distant possibility and urgent necessity. Hamster outraged by declining quality of the maid service. PA out in the garden taking on the zombie grass by herself. SO SO many cool/useful/interesting/profitable things I want to do. Frustration levels: dangerous.

    If I ever manage to catch that capricious, malicious entity who rations the spoons out, I’ll let you know and we”ll organize a good kicking for the asshat.

  2. How poignant and so desperately sad 🙁 I too am with you, but I can move about more since I got a new leg – but the pain I suffer all over is something no-one or no drug can take away! Drugs ease the pain in my body somewhat, but they don’t ease my mind which is screaming out for sleep, to be out of pain and to be up and about properly again. I want to be part of the human race, I want to work, I want to do so many things and go to so many places that I loved to go, but it’s not the same in a wheelchair and walking more than a few metres is not an option. Will I be like this when I am older? Who is going to look after me as I don’t have the money to go to a private facility? Am I going to end up taking up room in an already under-staffed hospital for the poor? Am I going to be able to use the leg, get about, get it on and off?

    Now I am tired again, must take the leg off and relax again. Stuck on the sofa with my pain and my worries – not helped by the cuts to the disabled, worried about money, worried that people think I am a low life, worried that people see me as a scrounger. I want to sleep so much, proper, restful, deep sleep so maybe I can face the next day with a few more spoons …

  3. I am with you. Your writing pulled at my heart strings. I made it to the garden today, sat in the chair and watched the dogs. No walk for them no craft for me. Then the struggle qith children after school. Putting a smile on for people and saying i am ok when i’m not. Hugs and healing sent to you xx

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