Brain not working.
Stressed. Worried. Don’t know why.
Can’t cope with anything. Anything at all.
Give up. Go to make coffee.
Coffee powder, coffee press. Wait for kettle.
Thinking.
“Kill yourself.”
Tiny words, hit me hard.
Stagger. Grab work surface to stay upright.
“KILL YOURSELF.”
NO!
Panic. Start to fall. Grab hold.
Hyperventilate. Tears. Can’t see, can’t think.
Time passes. Tears fall.
Legs hurt. Arms hurt. Still unsteady.
Frozen thoughts. Fear. Can’t break out.
Focus. Coffee.
Pause.
Pour the kettle. Make the coffee. Not thinking. Mustn’t think.
Mug, stick; stagger to bedroom.
Bed. Duvet. Hide.
Hide.
Are you in my kitchen, seriously I know, hang in there you’re not alone x